I have recently been challenged to not only identify what I believe is true, and to stand by it.
Courage is when you show up and have no control over the outcome. Confidence and being grounded is acknowledging that your beliefs, opinions, and thoughts matter, and to not be swayed by other people's words, thoughts, or actions.
I have never fully understood either of these things, and up until this point in my life, I was always susceptible to believing whatever anyone told me about who I was, what my actions meant, and what my worth was. Of course, this understanding of relationships and of my own self worth was extremely volatile, and I was setting myself up for a breakdown. This time last year, I hit my rock bottom, and since then, I have been working my way out of that deep dark hole, and am only now truly seeing how much I have changed in the ways I'm able to show up and be present like never before.
If you don't believe in yourself, and can stand by yourself through all the tough times, then no one will.
For my entire life, I never truly felt passionate about anything. I didn't feel the drive I do now that fuels me everyday. For me, feeling like I have a purpose that extends way beyond myself and my life pushes me to make recovery oriented decisions everyday, and to continue to fight to become my most true and authentic self. In my insecurity of my own self worth and identity, I was lost without a sense of purpose or direction. I didn't have a "why." To me, this "why" is the feeling of purpose that I can use my pain, fear, and sadness to help others work to learn the same things about themselves that I was forced to. To me, this "why" is what keeps me grounded in my beliefs about the world, and I am learning more and more to not be swayed by other people's "why"s.
Don't lose sight of why you believe what you believe, and don't underestimate the value in your beliefs.
Over these past few years, I have learned so much about the ways in which the world works, how my body works, how relationships work, how nutrition and exercise works, amongst many other things. I was recently confronted the opportunity where I was forced to question these beliefs. Where my very beliefs were attacked, on the basis of someone else projecting their "why" onto me. A compassionate response to the situation is taking a step back, recognizing that my subjective construals of the world are my own. That these beliefs and thoughts I have about the world have been crafted due to my specific life experiences, and they are my own. In that same way, everyone's construals are their own. To be grounded in my why, to respect myself enough to stand up for myself, and not to internalize or accept any of the abuse or judgment others place onto me if it doesn't belong to me.
Just because we have different beliefs about the ways in which the world works, doesn't mean that I am immediately wrong. It doesn't mean that I don't care about other people's opinions, it just means I am more cautious in accepting and putting up with the shit other people throw onto me. I am setting boundaries in a way I have never done in my entire life, and it is the most freeing, empowering, and incredible feeling.
To be confident in yourself is to stand up for yourself and reject negativity or abuse that is not yours. To be confident in yourself is to stand by what you believe in, and not be influenced by anyone else. To be confident in yourself is to recognize that your opinions, wants, and needs, are no less important than anyone else, and to respect and honor that in staying grounded in your why.
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